my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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