party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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