you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
