he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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