You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i dont even know how to be here
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
