Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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