Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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