Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
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