don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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