I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
