lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
