I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
