Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
