hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
