Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize