I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
