She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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