Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
