If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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