Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
