Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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