ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
