I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
