It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
