I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
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