Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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