Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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