if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
