It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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