she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
