yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
