haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
You can't motorboat a personality
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
