What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
