12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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