i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I checked into jail on foursquare
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
