Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
