every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
