do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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