you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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