So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
