I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
