I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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