Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
