Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
