i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
