Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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