I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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