if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
