My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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