What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Randomize
