Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
i think my cat just said my name.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
