just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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