I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
