i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
