Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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