I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
