She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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