I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
