I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
