I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
