he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
