Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
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