Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
