it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
