i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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