20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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