When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
