What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
